Rob Thomas

Dear Dan,

Rob Thomas has announced a big tour. And guess what! I'm not planning to go!

At another time in another place I would have been planning on attending the East Coast shows -- at least the last five. But as I said -- in another time and place.

One of the worst things I deal with now is the thought of you on the ledge. What was going through your mind? What were your last thoughts. Did you suffer or was it quick? Did you lay there and lose conciousness or were you already gone?

Did you change your mind when it was too late?

These are the things that will send me into a downward spiral if I consider them for too long.

And what does that have to do with Rob Thomas?

The person I used to go to all the concerts, a person I considered one of my closest friends, was one of the people I called the day after. I did something very stupid myself. I told her I wondered if you changed your mind. She said "Yes, he did. People who survive all say they changed their minds."

How many ways does that not apply to you and your situation? 1) You didn't survive. You did it in such a way to guarantee you would not survive. 2) Your's was not an attempt. You wanted to succeed and you did.

3) You did not let on to anyone -- not your closest friends, not your family, no one -- that you were planning anything like this. Not a single person had been given any hints. You covered your plans so well that your closest friends started calling around to see who was the last to see you. They thought it was a murder and someone might have seen something. It wasn't until I told them that any of them knew it was suicide! And then no one believed it because there had been no signs.

And who says things like that to someone who has lost a loved one the way we lost you?!

So Rob takes the hit here. I've pretty much lost interest in going to concerts very far out of town and road trips for concerts are not something I want to contemplate.

So not your fault but just one more side effect of your suicide.

I love you bro.